Establishing Oneness In Your Marriage

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. – Ephesians 5:21 NIV

It is easy to look at other peoples’ marriages and say or think, “Wow, they really need to get it together” or “I don’t know why he/she puts up with that”.

There are also those couples you look at and say or think, “If I had a spouse that treated me like that I would think I’d died and gone to heaven,” or “I hope he/she knows how lucky they are”.

It is sad to witness a dysfunctional marriage and refreshing to see a marriage that radiates love and oneness. But I want to tell you right here and now that luck has nothing to do with it—good or bad luck. The success of a Christian marriage depends on two things:

1.      God being in the center of it; and

2.      A commitment by the couple to be ONE.

You’ve heard at weddings a million times that marriage is the act of two people becoming one. And indeed it is, but marriage is also supposed to be a representation of our relationship with Jesus.

In the fifth chapter of Ephesians, beginning with verse twenty-one, we have what most Bibles subtitle, Instructions for Christian Households. The first verse of this instructional passage says we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. From there the passage goes on to explain how husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church and how wives are to submit to their husbands in the same way they submit to the LORD.

Notice that both commands are directly related to our relationship with Jesus. Obedience, submission, and loving devotion…these are the things that constitute oneness between us and Jesus. They are also in large part how a husband and wife become one. 

There is also one more very important attribute of marriage that also applies to our relationship with Jesus. It is this: just like you cannot remain the same person you are when you give your life to Christ, you cannot go into a marriage without changing. Becoming one with Christ requires you to change from living for self to living for Christ. Becoming one in marriage requires you to change from living for self to living for your partner…your union.

Marriage is oneness. Without it, a marriage really isn’t a marriage. It is cohabitation. Cohabitation isn’t what you ‘signed on’ for the day you said “I do”. Marriage is what you had in mind, so don’t settle for anything less.


Taking Your First Steps Toward Oneness

It’s never enough to read a blog and just nod your head. If you want to see the fruit of this post then you have to put the work in. Dedicate the next week to working on your marriage by working through one of these discussions questions each day. Try not to discuss these questions on days when you are stressed, irritable or generally had a rough day. Navigate the potential stress in the conversation by doing something fun first and then sitting down to having meaningful discussion. And, of course, pray first and ask the Holy Spirit to help you listen, learn and share from your heart. Happy oneness!

  1. What do you and your spouse do on a regular basis in order to maintain a oneness in your marriage? Examples: pray, worship together, daily conversation, satisfying sex life, eat meals together, Bible study (together or individually), enjoy leisure time together. 

  2. What aspects of your relationship do you feel cause a lack of oneness? Examples: interfering parents, a spouse who spends too much time away from home with friends, a past infidelity, too much work, money issues, spiritual and moral differences.

  3. What do you feel can and should be done to eliminate these issues from your marriage?

  4. How will making these changes make your marriage more one?

  5. The Bible tells us that our marriage is to be a representation of our relationship with Jesus. How well does your marriage reflect your true relationship with Jesus?

  6. Reread the following statement: Just like you cannot remain the same person you are when you give your life to Christ, you cannot go into a marriage without changing. Becoming one with Christ requires you to change from living for self to living for Christ. Becoming one in marriage requires you to change from living for self to living for your spouse…your union. What changes have YOU made to become one with your spouse? What changes do you need to make to increase the oneness of your marriage?